Dierdre's Ambition

I threw up.

It was red. I threw up Papa's blood. It tasted good at first but I do not want it anymore. It doesn't taste good coming out. My stomach hurts. Cainus says he worries.

About me? I do not understand.

I understand that Cainus was hungry. He was starving. Papa starved him to keep him weak said Cainus. So Cainus ate Papa. After I killed him. Then I threw up.

Tingles move all over my body and I don't like it – I rub my arms my legs. I brush the invisible dust away but still it tingles. I grip my horns and shake my head. Something is wrong.

Cainus stays in Papa's office with all the machines. He moves to the big metal doors that have never been opened. I follow. I hold his tail because I don't want to get lost.

Cainus says we have to get out. I ask why. He says there is nothing to hunt here, and I will starve. I will die. He won't. He will just go to sleep until someone finds him.

I am like him. I want to go to sleep until someone finds us. Cainus says he does not know how much like him I am. I am like him a lot. I tell him that. He rests his big head against my chest. He says he wants me to be just like him – exactly like him.

One time Papa yelled at me for playing with a lever I found. I pulled on it, and everything shook. Then I pushed on it, and everything shook again. It was fun. Papa screamed and knocked me away, then locked the room.

I tell Cainus. I cry at the end. Cainus licks my face.

We will get out.

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